All the Hatred

June 5, 2017

Well, I’m at the point in pregnancy where I hate everything and everyone. It’s a good look. Five more weeks of my stellar attitude before the postpartum tears kick in!

Here’s a non-exhaustive list of things I hate right now:

I hate trying to heave this painful belly from side to side in bed. I hate not being able to sleep on my back. I hate my swollen fingers, feet and face. I hate my very limited clothing options — I only have so many shirts in size “whale.” I hate the kind and well-meaning comments I get asking when my due date is and how have I not had that baby yet?! Or the comment I received yesterday from an older gentleman who asked, “Is that one baby in there or two?” When I responded “one,” he said “whoa!” and gave me a disapproving/disappointed/incredulous look. So that was encouraging. I hate that I have no appetite and nothing ever sounds good, but I still manage to eat bags of Chicago Mix popcorn (the Costco-sized bags) and gain 48 pounds a week. I hate that I’m always hot. I hate that I’m never comfortable. I hate that putting up a picture in the baby’s nursery gets me out of breath. I hate the waddling. Hate it.

I’m the one on the right.

I could go on. But, guys, I really like to avoid negativity.

As you can tell, I’m a treat for Andrew to be around lately. Poor guy. Yesterday we ate leftover salad out of a bowl for supper. Because nothing sounds good, so I can’t think of anything to cook and poor me! Also, poor Andrew who often offers to cook, but as previously mentioned, nothing sounds good.

Theo seems to be doing fine, though. He spends his time wearing flip flops or rubber boots and “helping” Andrew with the yard work.

He also likes to suddenly be up every hour in the night and completely wide awake around 4 a.m. Who knew there was an 18-month sleep regression? Not I, said the cranky 35-weeks pregnant lady. Last middle-of-the-night, I got up with him and thought he might be hungry, so I gave him a cracker, which he should scarf down in .2 seconds. Instead he licked at it for three years while smiling up at me with very awake eyes. Not cute. (But also, very cute.)

Who can stay annoyed with him?

Overall, I’m actually fine, guys. Calm down with the drama. This has really been a much better pregnancy than my last one, and it went quite quickly. I feel more prepared for postpartum life than last time, and adequately prepared/terrified for labor. The baby is growing well, and he finally moved to a head-down position, so overall, I am very grateful! (And also, crabby.)

So, what have you guys been up to? Enjoying spring/summer? Eating normal meals at normal times? Going to Target? Anyone read or seen anything good lately? I hear Wonder Woman is all the rage.

The other day I was feeling so discouraged about the world and our sin. Whether it’s family drama or terrorism or constant political fighting, it is wearing and often feels hopeless. It is why the prophets and the psalmist often cry out, “How long, Oh Lord?” We don’t know how long. But what it comforting to me is that, in the midst of it all, God is doing a new thing — do I not perceive it? He has made a way in the desert through Jesus. The hope that we have — the forgiveness of our sins and the reverse of the curse — is real. And one day, everything will be as it was meant to be. So we cling to that hope and we share that truth — that Jesus saves — because it is true and right. And in the meantime, for those of us who are disciples of Jesus, we do our part, through the power of the Holy Spirit in us, to walk as He walked and share His good news.

Well, how’s that for some positivity?! Optimism is just in my nature, guys.

OK, Theo is napping, which means I probably will too.




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