Polar Vortex of Random

January 7, 2014

Guys, I figured it’s a new year. Why not blog two days in a row? Get crazy.

So, yesterday’s post told you about how it took us 6 light years to get to Canada. Well, now I’m here in The old Deer for a couple of weeks. Guess what’s crazy? Red Deer has been warmer than lots of America the past couple of days. We are apparently not in the polar vortex — the word the people on the radio kept repeating nonstop this morning. I also heard on the radio that the Chicago zoo had to bring their polar bears in from the cold. Back when I was a kid, polar bears loved winter! These hipster polar bears from the younger generation are ridiculous.

Know what polar bears remind me of? LOST. This is where we learned that polar bears enjoy tropical temps. Also, Sawyer has a new show coming out? Someone watch it for me and report back. Oh, someone also watch The Bachelor for me and tell me if I should catch up. Juan Pablo es muy simpatico y guapo y accent-y.

I’m staying with Stacy, Andrew’s sister, this week. She and her husband have let me stay with them so much the past year and a half, and I’m so grateful. One day I will let them stay with me. I’m not sure why they’d want to since they have their own home, but it is happening, Stacy and Jeff. Whether you like it or not.

I just ate a piece of cheese and then choked on it and now my throat hurts from choking. On cheese. Maybe one day I’ll be good at life?

It was pitch dark (is the correct phrase “pitch black”? I googled it and saw it both ways) at 7:30 this morning. Oh, Canada. So far north and stuff.

Apparently this is the blog post where I just write random, unrelated sentences.

Speaking of which, if you are reading this from Red Deer (maybe 1-1.5 of you?), go to Target immediately! There are at least 20 racks of clothes for $5 each! Sweaters, jeans, corduroys, dresses, workout clothes, shirts — you name it. And every piece is $5. What is this? I have never seen a Target in the States do that. Canada, is this how you do business? I’m not sure if they’re just trying to lure people into the store or if this is the way Canadian Targets get rid of inventory before bringing in a new season’s line of clothing, but the important thing is that there are lots of clothes for $5 right now, guys! (If you’re in the States, come to Red Deer and we can go to Target together!) I went last night and got two sweaters and some bright blue corduroys. (Yes, we will all live to regret the blue corduroy purchase. But, $5!)

Also, this is a shirt at Target that you should buy for me. (Not in an xs, though. I wear xxs, obviously.)

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Do you know what America should have? Tim Hortons. Maybe I’m a coffee wuss, but I like their coffee so much better than Starbucks. It’s more mild and less bitter.

So, everyone, I am starting a new eating plan. It’s actually something I was doing about a month ago, but then I started traveling again and it all fell apart. (It is hard to stay consistent with eating and working out when you are traveling. How do the celebs do it? Sheer willpower? Forget that.) Anyhoo, the basic concept of this eating plan is that you try to eat protein with every meal and you don’t eat carbs and fats together. The idea is that your body has a hard time processing both fats and carbs, but if you just have one, the old tummy will burn through it and then start chewing all your fat into oblivion. (These are all scientific terms.) It worked really well when I tried it before, so I am back to it in the new year! Andrew also made me do Shaun T’s 25-minute workout from Hades yesterday, so fitness is basically my middle name now. Sorry, Ruth.

One more last extremely important item. Has everyone downloaded the Weather Whiskers app yet? It’s informative and classy.

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You’re welcome.

Have a warm and cozy day, peeps!

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5 Responses to “Polar Vortex of Random”

  1. I was literally eating a block of cheese when I read this, extra precautions taken with chewing/swallowing. (I will address with my inner-voids why I thought to eat a block of cheese in the first place.)

    Also, I’m so sad we missed you at Fairmont.

    Also, I’m searching for the Weather Whiskers app because it’s the best thing I’ve ever seen and I forgot to download it before.

    Thank you for giving me quality things to read.

  2. denisemorris said

    I often eat blocks of cheese. Why eat a piece when a block is available?!

    I’m so sad we missed you at Fairmont!! We went to wallyball the first night thinking you guys might still be there. Boo.

  3. Micah said

    I feel that this blog post was a straight up Supdate. We should do those again. Also, I’ve seen it both ways– that one got me, Morris.

    Also, “Sorry, Ruth.” Killed. I have your mail and it is a lot of mail and you got something from Uhaul yesterday, so I hope you paid your bill or they will straight up sell your possessions. Don’t you watch Storage Wars?

  4. It’s basically still pitch black at 7:30 in the mornings over here, too. I forget we’re actually level with Canada, what with the blessed Gulf stream keeping the worst of the Northern winters at bay; though with all the ice caps melting, that may all change…

    It’s great to have you back, Denise!

  5. […] I went to Target again … don’t yell at me! Andrew wanted to go. We went insane and just started buying $5 pieces of clothing all over the place. Andrew bought 7,800 hoodies and a plaid shirt. I got a $50 blazer — for $5, guys. Also, here’s a question you might ask me: Did you feel a little embarrassed when the Target fitting room attendant said to you, “Oh, you’re back again?!” Answer: $5. […]

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