Interrogation Terrors

May 29, 2013

Yesterday evening there was a huge thunderstorm in old Red Deer. It wasn’t too bad where my house is, but we drove over to the other side of town and had to basically drive through a lake. Like I thought my car might float away. Actually float away. It’s been raining a lot here this past week. Andrew claims that he “loves it” but I don’t believe it.

So graduation was on a Saturday and then last Monday, Andrew and I began the short 20-hour jaunt up to Red Deer. We wanted to get a fairly early start, so I was sure to leave late to go pick Andrew up and then get stuck in 9 years of rush-hour traffic. We were on our way by late afternoon. (Guys, I’m just kidding. For the humor of it.)

We drove through Wyoming, which, honestly, I’m not a huge fan of. Sorry all of my Wyoming blog readers. Some parts of it are pretty, but I just get kind of bored. Also, there were 50-mile-an-hour winds that day (I’m not even exaggerating), and my car felt like it was going to tip over at any minute. Luckily, Andrew likes to drive and I like to sleep, so it all worked out pretty well for me.

Then we got to Montana. You guys. It was so gorgeous. Maybe it was just the right time of year or maybe it was the route we took, but I loved it. Everything was so green. The kind of green I imagine Ireland to be. And so many mountains. We drove next to Glacier and it was awesome.

IMG_4066I wanted to leave a lot of my car’s dashboard in the shot for artistic effect.

Also, has anyone ever been to Helena, Montana? Because we have. We were all excited to see the capital of Montana, and then we realized that about 14 people live there. We walked to the capital building, which is really beautiful. It is also in the middle of a neighborhood of 90-year-olds. I’m serious. It was on the sleepiest street I’ve ever been on. Surrounded by little homes. No stoplights. Not downtown. Frolicking rabbits and deer. (Not that last part.) Sweet, innocent Montana.

THEN it was time for the border crossing. We crossed at some patrol point that wasn’t even a town. We pulled up to the little window, and the guy asked a couple of questions about all the Cherry Coke Andrew was smuggling in (Canada doesn’t have Cherry Coke), and then he asked me how long I was staying, and I thought he was going to let us go. But then he told us to pull up and park and come in to the Building of Interrogation and Torture. (I think that’s what the sign said.)

A very tall border official policeman guy took our passports and asked us a few questions about Andrew’s work and how long I was staying. Not too bad. But then Tall Interrogator asked Andrew to go to a waiting room and he took me into an interview room and slammed the door. Then he turned off the lights but left one spotlight shining directly into my eyes. He lit a cigarette and blew the smoke into my face. Then he leaned in really close and told me that I was going to wish I had never been born.*

He asked me how I was making money this summer and if I had a place back in the States. He asked me more about what Andrew does and he asked about other times I’d been to Canada. He asked about my Master’s and what I wanted to do with it. I told a long story about writing and teaching and finding myself and discovering my true passions and he got very bored. Then he did some “checks” on both of us (what does that mean? What did he do? Did he discover my ill-fated speeding ticket?) and he let us go on in to Alberta! Andrew was mostly just sad that no one interviewed him.

IMG_4068It looks like I’m wearing white Keds in this photo. I’m not. They’re gray Toms. I am wearing a grandpa sweater, though. And apparently mom jeans.

OK, I have to go, you guys! I have a busy day today — I’m going to see one of my friends from The Springs! Crazy!

* I may have taken slight artistic license/lied in the retelling of this story.


5 Responses to “Interrogation Terrors”

  1. Anita S. said

    I’m so glad you have a little more time to blog. Missed you while you were being all studious and stuff. Your writing always make me happy and sometimes even laugh out loud. Of course my geriatric office mates make frowny faces at me for all the noise… Look forward to hearing more of your adventures.

  2. Anonymous said

    You are hilarious! I knew that Canada would welcome you with arms wide opened and a big smile!

  3. UGH – I love it when you blog.

  4. I come for the hyperbole, and stay for the Keds and mom jeans.

  5. Becca said

    Exactly what Heather said. (I totally thought those were white Keds!)

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