Little House on the Crazy

July 1, 2010

You guys, I know that I have been a horrible blogger for the last week or so. But listen, I have a very good excuse: I am quite lazy.

I know you all have been worried sick about the problems I was having with my contacts. Well, I went to the eye doctor and it was a double whammy. My eyes had managed to get even worse within the last few months, and my new brand of contacts weren’t good for my eyes. So, I upped that old prescription and went back to my former contact brand and all is well in the eye department. I can watch TV galore without squinting.

Coincidentally the pipe/arm has disappeared from the side of the road.

I’m off to Jaci’s wedding later today! Woo hoo! I have packed 43 pairs of shoes, 97 swimsuits, an extra purse (why?) and, most likely, zero toothbrushes. I’m not very good at packing. I just kind of throw random things into my bag and hope for the best. I’m crossing my fingers in hopes that I’ve remembered my bridesmaid dress.

Oh man, you guys. Micah got me the first season of “Little House on the Prairie” for Christmas, and I have been watching it lately. It is so truly corny, but I love that show. That family just has so many group hugs, and Half Pint tries to be good, but sometimes Nellie just gets the best of her, and that Mrs. Oleson is just the meanest woman in all of hero township, and those girls are never not running! They run to town and back constantly, petticoats a-flying and pigtails a-bobbing.

Also, Pa Ingalls fixes all of everyone’s problems, and spends some time crying pretty much every day. He is strong, yet sensitive. The perfect man. Also, he seems to appear shirtless about every other episode. And I would like to be Ma Ingalls. She is beautiful, gentle, kind, caring, sweet, thoughtful, and generous. I am the opposite of all of those things, so I have a lot of work to do. Luckily, I have about 90 more seasons left to learn how to be like Ma. They did that show for pretty much all of Melissa Gilbert’s life.

Oh man, I’m getting all teary just thinking about how Laura sold her pony one Christmas to buy Ma a new stove. And then that other time when Pa rescued Mr. Edwards from his drunken lifestyle. And what about the one when the baby, Charles Jr., dies and Laura thinks it’s her fault and runs off to a mountain (seriously, there are no mountains in Minnesota, Little House producers) and Pa has to go find her? Or that one time when Laura recites an essay in front of the whole school about her Ma and the whole mess of work that she does for their family at Plum Creek? Or when they thought Laura might have rabies and then Pa finds out that she doesn’t, and then he cries and cries while hugging the whole family?! You guys! These are some beautiful moments. That family is precious.

Also, I just found this blog, which recaps Little House episodes. It’s hilarious.

Anyway, I have reverted to my childhood in which I often wished that I lived in a prairie in the 1870s so that I could milk cows, and wear petticoats, and read by candlelight, and write my sums on a slate. With a slate pencil. Yes, I know I am crazy. But I don’t care. I do need to remember, however, that it would’ve been cold, and I would’ve had to hand wash my clothes, and who wants to milk a cow or hitch up a team of horses just to be able to drive a couple of miles? Also, I’m not sure that being a black girl in the 1870s was all that awesome, so I’m probably best living here in 2010. Fine. But I still want to be Ma Ingalls.

Ok, I’ll move on for those of you who haven’t yet left due to excruciating boredom.

…….

I got nothing. My life revolves around Little House and wondering how many dozen eggs Ma will sell at Oleson’s Mercantile today.

I’ve been trying to be an athlete lately, and by “athlete,” I mean, “person who can run a whole half of a block without stopping.” It’s not going all that well. I hate running. Especially when it’s hot. Or when it’s cold. Or when I could be taking a nap instead. I did a longer run with my friend Ashley last Sunday, and, until I realized that there were ants passing me by, I thought I did pretty well. I’ve also been being an athlete by going to a lot of ultimate conditioning classes at the Y. In these classes, the teachers try to torture your body into submission by making you do 900 squats and infinity shoulder presses. Most often, it is horrible. I am trying to increase the weights that I use, which I’ve decided is a bad plan, since this is the first day I’ve been able to move my arms since Monday.

Anyway. Me and my athleteness should probably get going, friendsies. I will blog again once I am back from Jaci’s wedding! Lots of pictures and, most likely, toothbrush-buying adventures to come!

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8 Responses to “Little House on the Crazy”

  1. Micah said

    I fear I’ve done a bad, bad thing.

    This post cracked me up, though. Also, your weights are entirely too heavy and make me feel pitiful. Were those 15s the other day?!?!

  2. Didn’t Laura happen to run into Ernest Borgnine when she ran away to the Minnesota mountains? You know, Denise, you did spend WAY too much time dressed in bonnets and hoop skirts as a girl. North Minneapolis will never be the same.

  3. denisemorris said

    Micah: You have done the best thing ever. Season 2 for my birthday, please. Yes, 15s. They are murderous.

    Jill: Yes, she did! And then he just disappeared — as though he were an angel! I fit in so well on the ghetto.

  4. Jaci said

    I’m sure we have a few toothbrushes laying around here. Don’t forget your dress!

  5. Jill, I can’t understand why you aren’t already like Ma. The first time I met your “Ma” I thought to myself, “Jill is just like Ma on little house on the prarie.”

  6. Oops, I meant to say, “Denise”. But really, you two are practically one in the same if you ask me!

  7. Faye said

    They just “rinsed” their pants.

  8. […] Present. I would love it if my work involved me saying absolutely nothing useful about things like Walnut Grove and pipes and evil camera […]

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