R.I.P., Ezekiel

January 21, 2010

You guys. It is a day of gloom and solemn spirits. Tragedy has struck Cherry Springs Wonderland.

Ezekiel the Fish has gone on to be with the Lord.

I threw some food into his bowl yesterday morning and noticed that he was taking a nap on the bottom of the bowl. I didn’t think much of it, because in the two and a half years we’ve had him, he has looked to be dead about 99.7 percent of the time. He’s not been the most interactive pet…

Later that night, I came home and got my Turbo Jam on. While I was kickboxing my way to abs like the girls in the video, I glanced over at Ezekiel and noticed that he was in the exact same position he had been in that morning. I took a closer look and realized that he was not napping. He was, in fact, dead as a doornail.

It’s a tragedy, really. (Although, now that I think about it, I won’t have to clean out his bowl anymore, which tips the scales back to the not-so-much-of-a-tragedy side.)

I’ve come up with four possible reasons for Ezekiel’s untimely death:

  1. He died of a broken heart because Jaci abandoned him. Seriously, we had him for two and a half years, and then he only managed to eek out about two weeks after she left. I think a convincing case can be made that the loss of Jaci was too much for him to bear. Just saying.
  2. He went on a hunger strike. Ezekiel was very passionate about things like healthcare and foreign policy. It is quite possible that he refused to eat to make a point about his disapproval of the war or his opposition to a public option. If so, I will make sure his death was not in vain.
  3. It’s a magic trick. He was able to stop his heart, and allowed me to flush him down the toilet, and in three days he will reappear on the mantle, perky as ever.
  4. I forgot to feed him for multiple days in a row. It’s quite possible.

Anyway, we had a very beautiful memorial service for Ezekiel in which my friend Alecia decided to take pictures while I threw him in the toilet. What a sad time—my grief is overwhelming, and I don’t know how I can continue on with life.

Aren’t these shoes darling?!

Someone should get them for me. You know. Cause I’m sad about my fish. They might really help me overcome all of the grief and pain and sadness and such.

In other news, has anyone ever gotten a refund from Amazon? If so, why? I ordered some books online, and supposedly they have been sent, but also Amazon sent me an email saying that I got a huge refund on one of the books. So, is the book still coming? Was my order canceled? Or did Amazon just know that I needed that textbook for really cheap? Lemme know.

Speaking of books, have you seen these gorgeous fabric-bound classics? I have to get one or seven immediately.

OK, I better get back to my mourning. I am accepting homecooked meals, flowers, and those red shoes if you’d like to comfort me during my grieving process.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful day and appreciating the precious time you have with your pet fish. Also, really, you should get on getting me those shoes. Joves!


13 Responses to “R.I.P., Ezekiel”

  1. Jaci said

    Oh, poor Ezekiel. My heart is so sad.

    But how on earth did he survive not being fed at Christmas? Maybe his death was a the delayed result of that.

    Denise, I got a refund once from Amazon because the price went down after I bought something. But that was only like $2, so I don’t know if that’s the same.

    And you should buy yourself one of those pretty books with your refund money. It’s what Ezekiel would have wanted.

  2. denisemorris said

    I really don’t think I forgot to feed him for that long — at least not for longer than any other time. If he could survive Christmas, he should’ve been able to survive anything.

    Ezekiel would have wanted me to have one of those books. You are so right.

  3. Ash said

    As previously discussed, my heart has been shattered into a million little pieces, and I don’t know if I will recover from this unspeakable tragedy. I was there during the good times and the not so good (a perilous car trip) during Ezekiel’s life. In honor of his death, I have composed an Ode, much like that which I wrote for Jaci on the eve of her good-bye.

    Ode to Ezekiel

    That Cherry Springs
    Was a Wonderland of sorts
    You witnessed it all
    Denise, Jaci and their cohorts

    Several near-death traumas
    Now you are floating near the Bahamas

    Life was good to you, sweet fish
    To have said my good-bye, I do so wish

    But as Elton John reminded us all
    It’s just the circle of life
    To in memory of you we will stand tall
    And honor your presence with all of our might

    And some shoes will Denise buy
    To help her every night not to cry.

    RIP Ezekiel.

  4. denisemorris said

    Ashley, that was beautiful. Heart-warming and creative and poetic. Ezekiel is looking down on you and smiling.

  5. Ginna said

    😦 Poor Ezekiel. On the bright side, now you will get to use the pot-holder that was keeping him warm…

  6. Alecia said

    Ah hahahahaha, Ashley, so awesome. I jove every bit of it. I’m so glad we’re all friends. It makes my heart happy.

  7. MJ said

    “Dead as a doornail” is the phrase to use when it is discovered that a pet has given up the ghost.

  8. clarissa sparkman said

    Oh, I had the worst day and this made me laugh! Perhaps Ezekiel died because he knew I needed a pick me up? Or better yet, because he knew you need those fabulous shoes?

  9. denisemorris said

    Ginna: Thank you for helping me see the bright side. I really should wash that pot holder…

    MJ: It is also the phrase used when talking about Michael Jackson.

    Clair: I expect you to mail me those shoes (to alleviate the grief and all) as soon as possible.

  10. Jaci said

    Don’t worry about Ashley, she’ll be consoled with a cupcake.

  11. […] I best be going. It’s been a tough week or so, folks. My Ezekiel passed away, my Vikings lost, and it seems as though everyone has forgotten to buy me those red shoes. […]

  12. So sorry for your loss. I know those shoes will fill the empty place left in your heart.

  13. denisemorris said

    Yes, Jenny, they will! Once you buy them for me…

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