I Laugh in the Face of Danger–and Sanity.

September 22, 2009

Let’s start this post with some conversation about current political events, like such as, The Emmys. I didn’t see them—what were the haps? Good, bad, funny? Let me know. In other news, the source of all my accurate political information, “Weekend Update,” was on last Thursday. That opening skit was hilarious. No one told poor Joe Wilson that the plan had changed—how embarrassing.

Here is a disturbing trend that has recently come to my attention: I eat constantly. As in, I am always eating and never not eating. This, coupled with the fact that I work out zero times ever, is bad news all around. I probably need to start training for something again, since the fear of the humiliation of collapsing in a giant heap during a race of some type is the only thing capable of motivating me in the slightest.

So, Colorado has decided that the last day of summer = winter. It snowed yesterday. It didn’t stick or anything, but still. Sunday was in the upper seventies, and Monday was Winter Wonderland. Colorado’s schizophrenia is in full effect. This cooler weather has allowed me to wear my new red boots, though! I am a boots fiend this year. I’ve gotten a few comments on them including, “Wow, those are sure a bright oxblood color” and “Hmm, those boots are saggy.” Fashion–it’s my middle name.

Last night as I was trying to go to sleep, I thought I smelled something weird in the house. Jaci had sprayed her boots with a leather protector thing (seriously, we are about the boots in my house), so I assured myself that that was it. However, I got a sneaking suspicion that maybe it was carbon monoxide and we would all wake up dead. But then I remembered that carbon monoxide is odorless, so that wouldn’t be causing the smell. However, I was not to be fooled! I figured that there was probably a gas leak, which I could smell, and also odorless carbon monoxide filling my lungs with death at that very moment. Suddenly I felt a headache coming on and I was having trouble taking deep breaths—due to all of the poisonous gases and also, the complete insanity.

Somehow I managed to fall asleep (it was probably the carbon monoxide putting me into a coma) and I dreamed about shopping at Target. And then I woke up not dead, which was such good news! So I hopped in the shower, breathing deeply and humming joyfully in praise of my renewed chance at life and boot-wearing. My enthusiasm must have been a bit much, though, because I totally tripped as I was stepping out of the tub. I fell completely down and ended up sliding around on the floor like a turtle. My shin is majorly bruised, and also, my life has embarrassed me yet again. Oh well. At least my body stood strong against the carbon monoxide.

Have you guys been hearing, “Say Hey” on the radio? It just makes me happy every time I hear it. Watch it and get happy too.

Have a good day, friendsies. I will be playing softball tonight in freezing temperatures and with a broken shin. But it’s OK because I defeated death last night and didn’t succumb to the non-existent carbon monoxide in my house, so life is good!




7 Responses to “I Laugh in the Face of Danger–and Sanity.”

  1. Jaci said

    Sorry about the leather spray. I didn’t realize it was challenging your sanity. But for the record, and for the rest of the Internet to know, I sprayed my boots in the garage. You must just have a very sensitive nose. And a very loose grasp on reality.

    Also I think your new nickname will be Denise the Insane Turtle, or DIT for short.

  2. denisemorris said

    A lot of things challenge my sanity. It’s not your fault.

    Also, if you ever call me that, I will put carbon monoxide in your room.

  3. denisemorris said

    Rebekah, I so would have! That is an awesome book that I should probably get.

  4. denisemorris said

    I will buy it for you, shortpants.

  5. […] two things, but that’s more than the usual nonsense stories about how I nearly (not at all) died of carbon monoxide poisoning. I think you should be […]

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