Colorful Fashion Faux Pas

July 21, 2009

Excuse me: Why is it that I am unable to go to bed at a decent hour? (Please keep in mind that “a decent hour” is 9:20.) Every morning as I’m stumbling blindly toward the shower, I swear that I’m going to go to bed right after dinner. And that never happens–I hang out with friends or spend years on Facebook or read. I obviously need to get my priorities straight.

So, I totally saw Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, and I totally loved it. There are some deviations from the book and there were a few disappointments, but overall I thought they did a really good job of cramming a giant book into two and a half hours. Also, it cracked me up. Ron was funny, and old Snape had some good lines. Oh Snape–how could you? I just wanted to trust you so badly, but then …. if only we could get a hold of some of your memories!

OK, we have some things to discuss. Mainly my unfortunate taste in shoes/glasses. This can only mean that it is time for the weekly* feature of Denise’s Poor Fashion Choices!

Here is the thing: I’ve bought some oddly-colored items lately, and I don’t quite know what to think. There’s a fine line between being fashion conscious and fashion foolhardy, and I just don’t know where I stand. (This would be a good spot for me to make a clever joke about Ed from The Bachelorette’s unfortunate short shorts and tank tops, but that was so last week. Also, I can’t think of anything clever to say.)

Moving on.

Exhibit A: Yellow gladiator sandals. Oh my gosh. Writing that sentence just made me so embarrassed. 066

Here is the thing: I’ve been wanting cute mustard yellow sandals all summer, but I cannot find any anywhere unless they’re about $1,000 online. I gave up. My heart was sad. So I bought these as a poor substitute. First of all, they are the wrong shade of yellow. Secondly, they are gladiator sandals, and I have–until now–steadfastly disapproved of that trend. Thirdly, and worst of all, they were $10 at Wal Mart.

OK, we have to move on. My shame has become overwhelming.

Exhibit 2: Purple glasses frames. So far, people have called me Larry the Cucumber, Sally Jessy Raphael and Harry Potter. I think they were a good choice.

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Can you tell that I took this picture myself? Also, I apologize for my looks–I had just worked out and my hair was disgusting, so naturally, I thought it was an excellent time to take a photo of myself to post on the World Wide Intertubes. So, these are my purple glasses. They are very purple. And the frames are pretty giant. Sigh.

Exhibit C3: Suede Steve Madden boots. Red ones. The reddest of all reds.

071

Seriously, if anyone would like to hire me for my excellent photography skills, please leave a comment. I actually love these boots. They had gray ones on sale as well, and I knew those would be more practical, but I love accessorizing with red. My concern is that they are so boldly red that I will not be brave enough to wear them. This is the kind of purchase that I will want to wear all of the time, but then I will wuss out because they are too bright and sassy. But now that I’ve posted for all to see, you guys should totally affirm this choice so that I will not be scerd to wear them this fall.

Well, it felt good to get all of that off my chest. Don’t judge all of my impulsive color choices. Or do. I would.

I went to another stupid conditioning class and we did 240 lunges. Honestly. She counted them and told us after we were through. It takes me about 3.5 hours to walk from my bedroom to the bathroom. So, I better get going.

Hasta luego, mis amigos. Que tenga un buen dia!

*This feature is not weekly and will most likely never happen again, although I do probably make enough poor fashion choices to update this daily, even.

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27 Responses to “Colorful Fashion Faux Pas”

  1. Alecia said

    1. I don’t know where you’re thinking either but I like you and your colorful ways.

    2. I can’t believe you did 240 lunges! That is just hateful.

    3. I plan to call you Sally from now on.

    4. I do hope you were your boots more than your galoshes.

    Good-bye Sally.

  2. Alecia said

    Obviously “were” is actually wear.

  3. Ashley said

    So many things about this post to comment on, but I will narrow it down to 3:
    1. When you were describing your boots to me, I pictured a darker, more cranberryish red. Those boots are BAM! red. But you should totally wear them so that people call you the BAM!-red-boot-girl.

    2. I’m sure Jaci is getting a little tired of carrying you on her back like a spider monkey because you can’t walk in to work on your own. So many, many lunges. You should buy her some boots as a payback.

    3. Purple glasses remind me of art teachers with crazy colorful hair, weird chunky jewelry and long flowing patch-work skirts. Do you own any of these items to ride that for all its worth?

    Also, where is my mac n cheese? I might not be able to eat it if I’m thinking about Ed’s mankini.

  4. Rebekah said

    I don’t care what anyone (or you for that matter) says—I LIKE your fashion choices! I need to hire you as my personal shopper. Or a take-along advice shopper….or whatever.

  5. denisemorris said

    Alecia–I have a nickname for you as well. It involves a certain person we know and the word “lover.” So watch it with the Sally.

    Ashley: Thank you for narrowing down your comments for my sake. I will find a patch-work skirt at Good Will and wear it for your b-day. Also, I wish they were a more cranberry red. That’s what I would really like. But we’re gonna make this red work.

    Rebekah: Thank you! You’re good for my self esteem. Anytime you want to go shopping for lime green flip flops or fuscia pants, please let me know. 😉

  6. Jill said

    I’m so glad Alecia corrected her “wear” “were” problem. I thought that I was going to have to intervene.

  7. Eva said

    I read your blog faithfully. 97% of the time I think it is HILARIOUS(the other 3% of the time I think it is “normal-person” level of funny).

    But this post really takes the cake.

    And as much as I like cake, I also like it when my cake is taken.

    You are so. freakin. funny.

    And I read your comments and decided that your friends are funny, too.

    I bought an American flag at Wal-mart on Sunday. It cost $1.20. I don’t wear it, but I was still embarassed.

    Feels good to get that off my chest.

    Have a fabulous week in beautiful-Colorado-where-I-have-always-wanted-to-live. Meanwhile I’ll be chillaxin in the great state of 60-degree-July-afternoons.

  8. denisemorris said

    Eva–you are hilarious! “I also like it when my cake is taken.”

    I have a picture on Facebook of me holding a flag that has a picture of an American flag on it and underneath it is says, “America: Love it or Leave it.” You can probably get that at Wal Mart as well.

  9. denisemorris said

    Also, Eva, are you Eva Brandes?!

  10. Jaci said

    Ashley, thank you for suggesting that Denise buy me boots. That is the best idea I’ve heard all day.

    Although, Denise, I would prefer if they weren’t red. I’m just not as BAM!-red-boot-type-of-a-girl as you are.

    Also, I may have to sue you because you did not give me proper photo credit for the yellow-gladiator-sandal picture. Okay, you called me on it—-I will not sue you because it is way too much work, but I will no longer take ridiculous pictures of you during work hours. So there.

  11. cboog1 said

    Denise, your boots are sweet! There is absolutely no need to be afraid of wearing them. I wish I had a pair! When you wear them out, make sure the rest of your outfit doesn’t take away from how sweet your boots are.

    Btw, Steve Madden has some really cute mustard yellow sandals that might assuage your disappointment. http://www.stevemadden.com/item.aspx?id=48148

    Don’t punk out with the colors. If nothing else, it keeps you (and us by proxy) from being bored.

  12. denisemorris said

    Jaci–I know you’re too lazy to sue me which is why no photo credit was given. I’m sure everyone could figure out that you’re the one who took it, though, since it’s the only one that didn’t suck.

    Cboog1: Oh my gosh! I totally tried to try those exact Steve Madden sandals on the other day, but they didn’t have my size! They were on sale and everything. My heart was sad, which is why I was forced to make myself feel better by buying bright red boots!

  13. Micah said

    Favorite.Post.Ever.

    And the comments reminded me why I’m SO happy that I’m friends with you people.

    I really want to make a clever joke about how you’ve been BAM-boot-zuled, but I will refrain.

    And Alecia–you’d better watch out with Sally. I think she’s serious about calling you a ______ Lover.

  14. Natalie said

    Denise…Ok I dont know if im a dork too but I love the gladiator sandals with the gray outfit. Call me a fashion victim, but oh well.

  15. denisemorris said

    Natalie–yay! Let’s be fashion dorks together.

  16. Eva said

    The one and only.*

    *This may not be true, but I hope it is.

  17. denisemorris said

    Eva, since you want to live in CO, maybe you should come visit me and get a feel for it. Also, if you do, you will have to move out here because it is wonderful!

  18. denisemorris said

    Micah, I’m not gonna lie. That bam-boot-zuled thing is clever. Keep that one in the vault.

  19. Dan said

    “Denise’s Poor Fashion Choices” should be a 1/2 hour comedy show on NBC, right after “The Office.” Make it happen. If that doesn’t pan out, shoot for “Denise’s Poor Fashion Choice Awards.” Thanks in advance.

  20. cboog1 said

    I tried them on in the store too, and they didn’t have my size either, but the clever sales girl told me that I can order them and have them shipped. She’s a total enabler, because I clearly did not need to buy two pairs of sandals that day. My budget later told me so. But I am however quite happy with them even though I’ve only worn them once so far. Perhaps the website will have your size.

  21. […] 2. We get each other birthday gifts like fedoras and cat purses and High School Musical stickers, simply because we think it’s funny. Also, some of the friends actually love High School Musical, which brings me to another point: sometimes you have to accept your friends’ poor tastes. And sometimes they have to accept mine. […]

  22. First of all, if I did 240 lunges, i would freakin’ go postal and hurt someone. Or I would rip out my own legs and beat the trainer with them.

    The gladiator sandals…I’ve been holding out too. Mostly because I’m short, and short girls don’t put straps on their lower legs and make them look even shorter. But I feel myself warming up to the trend more and more every day…It’s so hard…must…be…strong…

    And I love the glasses. And I love the boots. I really love the boots. And a girl who does 240 lunges can wear WHATEVER shoes she wants to.

  23. denisemorris said

    JBJ: Thank you for your encouragement about the boots. My legs are long enough for the sandals, but do I really want to walk around looking like I belong in a film about Roman times? Here is the thing: Let’s go with the gladiator sandals but wholeheartedly refuse to accept the zippered skinny jeans. I just don’t think I could live with myself if I go that far. (I’m sure I will own a pair by Christmas.)

  24. Zippered skinny jeans must die.
    Don’t feed the trend.
    I’m abstaining from those things. They’re like the high wasted Jessica Simpson tragedy jeans–they’re only made to make us look disproportional. And inspire low self-esteem in those of us who do NOT do 934902348 lunges.

  25. […] time to get new ones.) It was so cold out yesterday that I was almost even forced to wear my warm suede boots, but then I decided that I’m not brave enough quite […]

  26. […] Colorado’s schizophrenia is in full effect. This cooler weather has allowed me to wear my new red boots, though! I am a boots fiend this year. I’ve gotten a few comments on them including, “Wow, […]

  27. […] I gots to go. I am thinking I should do another fashion faux pas post again soon, because let’s face it, I continue to buy some ugly […]

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