These Feelings Won’t Go Away

May 28, 2009

plantsLast weekend (wow, it’s almost the weekend again!) was full of good times and fun-ness and me straining my back because I so rarely do manual labor. (Although, let’s be honest. I can strain my back sitting in a recliner — my back is full of weaksauce.)

That’s right, manual labor — I was in the out of doors planting victory all over the place. By this I mean that Jaci and I dug around our backyard a bit, took a break, poured some dirt around, took a break, and then planted our little vegetable guys in the ground. Then we took a break. Seriously, though, it was tough work! But it was also pretty fun. 4729_191211165197_500030197_7086956_466528_nWe got all of the guys planted, safe and sound in their new homes, and then it promptly began to hail. Of course. It seriously rained and rained and rained the entire weekend. Our corn is all bent over and broken. Our squash is limp and pitiful. We may have to replant. But as you can see, it was all worth it because I got to wear my galoshes!

We also cleaned the whole house, saw Night at the Museum 2 (So cute! Who wants to take a field trip to Washington, D.C.?), went to our friend Lauren’s wedding, and hosted a Memorial Day barbeque. Seriously — I was worn out after those four days of vacation.

In other news, I noticed that my blog traffic went up recently. (It’s now my mom and three others. Actually, come to think of it, my mom hasn’t commented recently…) I was confused by this spike, but then I realized that Boundless re-published one of my old TrueU.org articles earlier this week. So, hello Boundless friends! Stay awhile.

So I’ve committed to working out 4-5 (or maybe 1) times a week. I am being very consistent. Also, creative. Who knew that you could count opening the refrigerator door as strength training? On the “Denise Morris 30-Day ‘Whatevs’ Plan,” it totally counts.

I recently finished the book “Crazy Love” by Francis Chan, and it was very awesome and painfully convicting. I can’t quite describe what was so touching about the book —I’m not very good with words (a slight obstacle for an aspiring writer)— but I kept crying as I was reading it. Partly, I think, because it did a good job of reminding me that life is not all about me (hence the sobbing). This life that I’m living is God’s story, and I play a very small part. Chan likens our lives to a movie—about God.

From start to finish, this movie is obviously about God. He is the main character. How is it possible that we live as though it is about us? Our scenes in the movie, our brief lives, fall somewhere between the time Jeus ascends into heaven (Acts) and when we will all worship God on His throne in heaven (Revelation). We have only our two-fifths-of-a-second-long scene to live. I don’t know about you, but I want my two-fifths of a second to be about my making much of God.

I do such a bad job of this. I make much of me all the time. In fact, my entire week has been a prime example of me making much of my feelings. I also was so convicted about the fact that I really am a lukewarm Christian. I don’t yearn for God, I don’t spend my time thinking of Him or caring for His people. I spend my time planning cookouts for my friends, or reading novels or writing blog posts. None of those things are bad, but they are focused on myself.

I don’t quite know what to do with this. I do know that I need to do something. Not because good works or righteous guilt will get me to heaven. But because I want to love Jesus so much that loving and serving in His name is my favorite thing to do. In all honesty, I’ve been feeling quite uncomfortable lately because of all this. And my attempts to push the nagging thoughts out of my head aren’t working. These feelings won’t go away.

So I’ll pray and ask the Lord what He has. As Chan puts it in his book, we should maybe spend less time praying for God to keep us safe and comfortable and more time praying for Him to do whatever will bring us closer to Him. I prayed that prayer once. It was frightening and I didn’t like it. God answered by bringing me a challenge. And in the end, it brought me closer to Him.

Anyway, I think you should read “Crazy Love.” It’s pretty good. Also, you should check out my blogroll. I added the AXiS blog — good thoughts about worldview and such.

K, bye then. Have a good Friday!

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9 Responses to “These Feelings Won’t Go Away”

  1. I’m so jealous of your victory garden. I really wanted to try my hand at planting a mini-garden. Or at least a container garden. But…it was not meant to be. And I love the galoshes!! I have galoshes-envy. I really want some pink ones.

  2. Krissie said

    Hi, I’m one of the newbies that came over from boundless, and might I just say you were a breath of fresh air over there. Supposedly, I’m their target demographic, although maybe a bit older, but I find most of their articles I don’t really relate to. You and your bloggy here however, are a totally different story. Always nice to find another single woman who loves the Lord, and enjoys living life.

    I’m also planning on starting an herb garden this summer, but I haven’t even planted the seeds yet, as when I opened my bag of potting soil from last year, it had gone bad – who knew potting soil could go bad!

  3. Natalie S. said

    Wow! Can I juat say that your writing is awesome! I has stopped reading Boundless for a long time, because I felt like they were super conservative, and that I didnt fit into their demographic(im a black female, in my 20s). Anyhow I really look forward to readign more of your stuff because its very down to earth, and as a journalism major, maybe I can glean from you too. Thanks
    Natalie

  4. Jill said

    This is your mother. I found a typo. Thought I’d point it out. Being your mother, and all.

  5. denisemorris said

    JBJ: Our victory garden is looking less and less victorious as the days pass. It rained so hard for days and days and I think they’re dying. I’ll put on my galoshes and head outside to check it out soon.

    Krissie and Natalie: So glad you’re here! Tahnks for reading. 🙂

    Jill: What is the typo, meanie … I mean, mommy.

  6. Natalie S. said

    Oh Denise! I hate to be a grammar nazi, but you spelled thanks wrong. Or maybe you did it on purpose, which would be even funnier.

  7. denisemorris said

    Natalie: No, I’m just bad at typing. It’s not like I do it for a living or anything. Thanks for catching the Tahnks! 🙂

  8. Natalie S. said

    Your welcome, no sweat!

  9. denisemorris said

    Natalie: Haha!

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